let GO let GOD (Old Blog)

Let Go, Let God…

I’ve read this so many times in a book titled “Moments” by Fr. Jerry Orbos, SVD.
First reaction that I had after reading this phrase is that, yup, it’s easier said than done. We belong into a religious country, and many of us really let God in almost everything that we do. But not all of us can actually say that straight in the eye. Some of us tend to find another way when we feel that God’s answers are coming a little bit too late or not coming at all. It’s funny that by just adding a single letter, it can make all the difference. Letting God may be much easier than letting go.

I’ve had this experience wherein I can’t let go of the most precious person in my life. All the counseling from different friends and other people couldn’t cure my illness of failing to let go. All that they wanted me to do is to just move on because they said, that’s the only thing that I could possibly do. I’ll admit, when I and the one that I love parted ways, it was not the most positive way of saying goodbye. Trust me, I never wanted to end it that way, I just had to do it for her own good. Plain and simple, I wanted her to make me go away so that I couldn’t hurt her feelings anymore. But until now, she doesn’t understand that. I admitted that I was selfish, I wanted to be with her every moment that I could. I wanted to talk to her with every opportunity that I can have. I wanted her to be mine and mine alone. Because it’s hard for me to take that I’m sharing her with other guys. I’ve never loved any other person like I’ve loved her.

She never realized and understood that I let her go because I wanted her to be happy even though I did it in a not-so-nice manner. I never shouted at her nor raised my voice whenever we talked. As a matter of fact, I just absorbed everything that she threw at me. Back to my point, I did what I had to do so that she’d be happy. Unfortunately, she took it the wrong way. She thought that I just wanted to hurt her. She never fully understood the pain that I was going through during the course of time that we were still fine with each other. Fear got the best of me. I was extremely afraid that I’d lose her. And I eventually did. But I realized then and there that things shouldn’t be forced. Just let everything flow and cherish the moments of your life may it be the ups or the downs.

Back to letting go and letting God, how could someone honestly accomplish this? What if you have loved someone so strong that you couldn’t get up from the fall that you felt from her? How could you let her go that you love her so much, even if she already loves another, you still feel for her? Questions, so hard to find answers for. Some can answer it through words, but when you experience it, it’s so crippling that you’d really fall into the depths of depression. I’ll admit, until now, I still struggle to stand from the fall and I’m very much afraid to take a girl seriously again. A part of me has been paralyzed. An emotional instability has recaptured my personality. Let her go, that’s what they said. Well, it’s very much easier said than done.

Months had passed, and the memories should be swiftly erased by now. But like a ghost that stays in each and every house, the things that we both shared still haunts me till this very day. Why didn’t she consider my feelings? Why didn’t she understand? Why did she let me fall for her much more if she knew that things wouldn’t last? Why did we have to go to certain places and make memories of our own? Maybe it can be simply answered by saying that she may also be selfish. But I made it clear; I used “maybe” in the sentence.

Today, I still pray for the day that everything will be fully forgotten. I couldn’t wait for the moment that we’d never see each other again. Because I’ll admit, even to this very day, whenever I see her face or hear her voice, my heart still cringes with pain for everything that had happened. But a part of me also brings out a smile, because I know that I had made her happy. She had found someone that she can shamelessly say that she loves. If I hadn’t fought with her and let her go, she probably wouldn’t end up this happily. I’d rather be the one hurt than her, and that made all the difference.

Maybe I am selfish and maybe I’m an ass, but trust me when I say that as the Lord as my witness, I did it for her own good and because I love her…I’d be a fool to say that I don’t treasure her anymore. It would be crap to say that she’s out of my life. Coz each and everyday, she’s still here inside of me…So, tell me “let go, let God”, and I’ll tell you how hard that really is.

IF it's NOT MEANT TO BE, THEN SO BE IT!

If it's not meant to be, Then so be it.

Naranasan mo na bang magkagusto sa isang tao na sobra-sobra pero may problema?

Ex.
May Boyfriend/Girlfriend na siya kasi!...

May Boyfriend/GIrlfriend ka na!...

Hindi kayo pwede kasi PUPUNTA na siya sa ibang bansa!...

Hindi BOTO ang mga magulang niya!...

Hindi ka pwede kasi PILIPINO ka at CHINESE siya!...

Bawal maging kayo kasi mas BATA pa siya!...

Hindi ka niya mapagtutuunan ng pansin kasi WORKAHOLIC siya!...

Hindi mo siya maligawan kasi PATAY na PATAY siya sa BESTFRIEND mo!...

Hindi mo siya maligawan kasi EX siya ng BESTFRIEND mo!...

Hindi mo siya maligawan kasi GUSTO din siya nung BESTFRIEND MO!...

Hindi mo masabi sa kanya yung nararamdaman mo kasi BABAE ka!...

Hindi mo malapitan kasi iniisip mo yung sasabihin ng ibang tao!...

Hindi mo siya maligawan kasi masyado mong inaalala yung FUTURE niyo!...

Hindi mo maamin na MAHAL na MAHAL mo din siya kasi NATATAKOT ka na

BAKA IWAN KA LANG DIN NIYA TULAD NUNG IBANG MGA NANG-IWAN SAYO!

Hindi mo talaga maamin sa kanya kasi hindi ka makapaniwala na sa kanya nahulog yung loob mo!...

ANG DAMI pang mga pwedeng sitwasyon diba?!
Nasasatin na lang yun kung pano natin i-hahandle yung problema!...
PERO ISA LANG SAGOT DIYAN!...
KUNG MAHAL MO wala ng EXCUSES!... diba?!!!! (",)

THINGS that I've Learned... (Old Blog)

Things That I’ve Learned From The Past Year.

I’ve read an article quite like this, but I was inspired to write my own. Please take note that I wrote this spontaneously, so forgive me for the errors.

The past year has been an eye-opener and worthy of taking a lot of lessons from. Here are some of the things that stuck to my mind from the past year.

Things that I’ve learned from the past year:

I’ve learned that like what Stonecold always says; don’t trust anybody…Even your closest friends could really stab you on the back. He/She possesses the will to give you a Stonecold Stunner anytime he/she wants.

I’ve learned that some things are worth forgetting and left behind. The ungrateful people and the user-type of friends, they’re all worth erasing in the memories. Someone will come along and OVERWHELM the things that made you feel like a fucking shit.

I’ve learned that Peyton is the best choice between her and Brooke. I’d rather fall for the one who I’ve become close to for quite a long time than for someone who has lots of boys swarming her and entertains them even if she doesn’t even know their true personalities. I’d rather fall for the girl who stands by my side every time I’m feeling down and not for the girl who only talks to me just because she doesn’t have someone to talk to. I’d rather fall for the girl who listens to me than to the girl who denies that she really doesn’t want to talk to me. I’d rather fall for the girl who hasn’t fallen for someone or hasn’t even gone into a relationship than someone who had lots of relationships and has a history of guys leaving her. Peyton is the better choice because she’ll be there whatever happens not like Brooke who becomes an enemy whenever you’ll have problems with her. Hmmmmmmm…Brooke is the bitchy type and Peyton is not. Brooke says “Duh! Whatever!” a lot but Peyton does not. Brooke’s bitch-type of attitude is far more different to Peyton’s respectable personality and approachable image. Peyton is everybody’s friend while Brooke has quite a number of enemies. Who could this Peyton and Brooke be? (Sino pa? E di yung nasa ONE TREE HILL! Nanonood ka ba nun?! Ako oo! Haha!)

I’ve learned that some people are really very INSENSITIVE. (Baw!)

I’ve learned that some people are OVERWHELMING hypocrites. They think of their pride so much that they fail to express their TRUE feelings. Fuck all ya’ll!!!

I’ve learned that some people will enter into relationships in a flash just to forget their problems with another person. Fuck that thought! I’ve known someone who has done this already and it ended up with nothing. She/He had problems with someone that she/he likes (crush na crush!) then she/he went into a relationship with someone who likes her/him even if she/he doesn’t love that person. Fuck that! (Baw!)

I’ve learned that someone will talk you into bullshit and give her/his excuses to refrain from having a relationship with you but will end up having a relationship with someone else. Well her/his reason or excuse to you seemed fuckingly unfit when she/he entered that relationship with that other guy/girl! What happened to her/his excuse “I still haven’t moved on yet from ____ (name)” bullshit?! Haha!

I’ve learned that you can’t please everybody. There’ll always be someone out there who despises you even in a simple way.

I’ve learned that being on the “rebound” is the worst case a guy could possibly be in. Listening to her every sob story and you couldn’t even express your true emotions at that moment coz you just want to comfort her; it’s such a pain in the ass. Then she’ll still end up having strong feelings for her ex and your left with nothing but “if only” or “what if” leaving you helpless.

I’ve learned that what we’ve been looking for was already in front of us all along. Happiness, love, trust, friendship, they’re all present. We may just be too blind to see or too numb to feel.

I’ve learned that success is the best revenge. It’s better to hear from your enemy or someone who made you feel down, that you did better and improved.

I’ve learned that sometimes we should try the road less traveled by. We should try other paths to get on our usual destination. Who knows, there might be something on that different path.

I’ve learned that the Highschool days would really haunt you even after many years. It’s like Highschool molded you to be who you are right now. Highschool also formed the ever-bonding friendships with your barkada. This was also the times where the “firsts” came; first love, first kiss, first heartbreak, first “experience”, the many firsts of everything.

I’ve learned that there will always be someone who is in more need than myself. If I’m saddened by the fact that I don’t have luxurious material things, what more for the people who don’t have eyes to see the beauty of all those material things.

I’ve learned that satisfaction is inexistent. We aspire for a lot that we fail to appreciate the things or the moments that lies on front of us.

I’ve learned that some of the people that you hold dearly in your heart will eventually have their own different path than yours. Goodbye is inevitable.

I’ve learned that there really are a lot of fish in the sea. It’s just up to you whether you swim for them or stay put on your own land of hopeless commitment. If you know what I mean.

I’ve learned that a tear is worth dropping for in the moments that it calls for.

I’ve learned that sometimes the unsolicited advice that you give to your friends doesn’t work when you’re in their own position. You don’t buy what you sell. You don’t practice what you preach.

I’ve learned that principles are just guidelines that really breaks up in times of desperation or depression.

I’ve learned that there are a lot of ways to express what you feel and to also release your emotional disturbances. Writing shit like these or even singing in the shower every once in a while eases a little.

I’ve learned that our parents really have a lot to say about life but they just have rare chances to speak with us heart to heart.

I’ve learned that time really travels by so swiftly. The once little kids that we were are now fully-grown individuals and has much harder responsibilities.

I’ve learned that sex is not just a three-letter word. Sex is the shortest word that ultimately sums up a lot of things. Some relationships break down due to this. Some couples experiment and even pass thru the boundaries. Sex is the most misunderstood thing that the world really takes for granted.

I’ve learned that being a virgin is not shameful and worth being proud of. Controlling my raging hormones and saving it up for the one that I’ll exchange vows with in front of the altar is one commitment that I’m faithfully exercising.

I’ve learned that someday your calling will come and it’s up to you whether you accept it or not.

I’ve learned that the ‘90s is worth missing. The bands, the music, the cartoons, the numerous TV series, the movies (even the bold ones! It controlled the box-office back then. Hehe!), all of them are worth taking a look back at.

I’ve learned that maturity helps us interact with other people on a more open-minded manner. Sexual matters are not a Taboo anymore when you’re an adult. Opening up about it even helps to refrain from the mistakes.

OTHER trivial THINGS that I’ve learned this year:

I’ve also learned that there is another route from school in Pedro Gil for me to get home.

I’ve also learned that I could also go with my Brader and take a couple of rides from their place for me to get home.

I’ve learned that walking in Luneta is not that “uncool” as everyone may think of. The sight there is nice to look at. I think, the walk that I had in Luneta this year is just the 2nd time I’ve been there my entire life.

I’ve also learned from “someone” that when a girl visits you at your house, it means nothing! (ayyt?!)

I’ve also learned that some things shared with someone are just OVERWHELMING and meaningless. (hmmm.)

I’ve also learned that watching from the bleachers section of the Big Dome is not that bad! Some other things are really bad that day. Like for example, the weather. (hahaha!)

I’ve also learned that it’s way cool to cross the Nagtahan Bridge by walking! ASTIG! I did it twice! And it was both around 10 p.m!

I’ve also learned that there are many “SAWis” in the class! A toast to all you guys n’ gals!

I’ve also learned that when I have problems with someone, I have problems with the entire group. (Dami nila eh! Nasa CR lagi. Dun nag-uubos ng oras sa harap ng salamin! Hehe!)

I’ve also learned that I miss my soulmate, my Peyton. She’s too busy. Just can’t disturb her…Good luck to everyone!

I’ve also learned that there are some people who patiently reads my writings and I thank them for that. THANK YOU. Mabuhay kayo! Sorry, di ako kasing-galing ni XEREX eh.

NOTE: WALANG PAKIALAMAN. WALANG KOKONTRA. WALANG
MAGAWI KASI.

RELATIONSHIPS (Old Blog)

“What’s the purpose of having a relationship with someone if you don’t see him/her as the one that you’ll marry.”
–NINO MUHLACH

This line is quite weird coz who’d expect Nino Muhlach to say such a thing! He’s been notoriously linked with the word philander or having so many girls. I just remember this line that really made a mark coz I saw Nino Muhlach I think 4 years ago on a pre-noon daily talk show as a guest and he delivered this spectacular line.

His point is clear and it should definitely be clear for those who are in a relationship or planning to enter into one. What’s the use of being with that person if you don’t see a long-term relationship? If it’s just a happy-go-lucky decision, then you’d better think twice. Regret strikes harder when it takes such a long time to correct. I mean, if there’s still a chance to think it through and get it over with, then take that chance! If you are still in a state of indecision, think about and be sure of your decision.
Some enter into relationships just to run away from past troubles or past indifferences with someone who’d been special to them. They end up having hasty decisions and forget to think about the whole situation. They tend to enter another relationship just to forget about the past. But is that really the solution to move on? Is that the correct decision to forego with things? (Ehem! Ehem! Ehem!)

I know nothing if not a few about relationships, but all I can attest to is that entering into one or having one is as serious as being circumcised. If you don’t consider a serious relationship then it is bound for irresponsibility, insincerity and infidelity. It takes two to tango as they say, both of you work on the relationship not just one, because if only one carries it, then that’s not called a relationship.

Here’s one tip, do you know the lines that the priest recites during the sacrament of marriage?
“Do you take this man/woman…through thick and thin…for richer or for poorer.”
(I don’t remember it all but I hope you get the point.)

Before you enter into a relationship or before you move on to the next step,
How about you try to make something of your own, like:
Do you take this man/woman…

Even if he/she snores a lot every night?

Even if he/she doesn’t really sweep you off your feet?

Even if he/she is not the ideal man/woman for you?

Even if he/she has that attitude that you don’t like?

Even if he/she has been a notorious liar or cheater?

Even if he/she is not the guy/girl that really made you feel very loved?

Think about it! These simple questions could even decide your fate. Make your own questions. Questions that really fits you. There’s nothing to lose but everything to gain. Just think about it.

And for those who are already in a relationship…

Do you see that guy/girl still very much in love with you even after 30 years?

Do you see that guy/girl responsible enough to sustain your relationship?

Do you envision that guy/girl loyal to you through the years?

Do you picture yourself with that guy/girl having your own family?

Do you envision that guy/girl STAYING beside you through whatever problem and NOT LEAVING you WITH NO REASON?

Do you picture yourself MARRYING that guy/girl in the future?

If you answered even a single “NO” or “I’m not sure.” Then you should think about your relationship. Perhaps “the RIGHT ONE” is waiting for you to realize that he/she is still out there. Maybe he/she wakes up every morning, down and depressed due to the fact that “you” are in someone else’s arms, but still hoping that “you” are happy.

“You know what it's like getting up every morning? Feeling hopeless,
feeling like the love of your life is waking up with the wrong man. But, at the same time hoping that she still finds happiness, even if it's never going to be with you.”
-ALBERT (Hitch)

REBOUND! (Old Blog)

“I prefer rebounding the ball than shooting it coz I got a living out of rebounding. Besides, why would I prefer shooting the ball if almost every guy in this game shoots the ball very well? And one thing, I’m playing with Michael Jordan, why in the hell would I even shoot the ball?”

- Dennis Rodman


I know you’re in awe to why in the hell did I choose this quote from “the worm.”
First clue, it’s not even connected with basketball. Secondly, it’s connected with my experiences. Third, this goes out to all the guys who plays the “rebound” role in every “friendly” relationship…

Have you ever played the “rebound” role? Have you ever caught a “ball” that has failed to shoot thru the ring? So, how does it feel like? For me, it depends on the kind of rebound. There are two types of rebound: the defensive and the offensive rebound. Most of us view a rebound as a positive thing especially if it’s an offensive rebound! Getting an offensive rebound creates a higher percentage of providing for another shot at the basket. While a defensive rebound is also a positive thing, it just sucks that your own basket is on the other side of the court.

My whole point is that being on the rebound can be a positive or negative thing, depending on the rebounder. Just like in a “friendly” relationship, sometimes, our friends lean on us for comfort and for help. But some of us tend to develop our emotions and unfortunately fall for our own friends. One example is when your friend breaks up with her/his BF/GF, and then she/he seeks you for comfort. She/he shares her/his stories and develops a feeling of security and trust for you. Then at a blink of an eye, you end up falling for the girl/guy. You couldn’t even say what you feel coz you know that she/he just came from a traumatic stage of her/his life. You just end up holding your emotions and seeing yourself hopelessly lost in the wilderness of uncertainty and anguish.

We all have to admit it; it sucks to be on the rebound. But, hey, it’s also a blessing! Whether it’s in basketball or in a “friendly” relationship, a rebound is such a blessing! Come to think of it, of all the players inside the court, THE BALL WENT TO YOUR HANDS! God gave you a chance to take care of the “ball” even for a short time. God gave you a choice to hold the ball or pass it to your other teammates. Heck! God even gave you a choice whether or not you would “shoot the ball” or not!

As I come to a conclusion,
I’ve realized that it’s not that bad to be the one,
who offers a shoulder to cry on,
who lends an ear to every sob story,
who “rebounds” the “ball.”

Someday, sometime, I may be fouled and be given charity shots on the stripe.
It’ll be my turn to shoot the ball…

TRANSLATION:
Shet! Mahirap maging “taga-salo” sa mga tao, lalo na sa tao na tinuturing mong espesyal na kaibigan. Siguro kung tanungin ako kung anong Occupation ko, isasagot ko eh “tagakinig ng mga probleam ng ibang tao.”.Hehehe!

Hopeless Romantics (Old blog)

PARA SA MGA SAWI

Some might be having a cold Christmas this coming holiday season, but hopefully not most of us. Unfortunately, I’m one of those “some” who’d probably end up having a damned and depressed holiday season. Yup! “Malamig na naman ang pasko ko.”… But it’s definitely colder this time around. It’s just depressing that I’m not the only one who’s feeling this way. As the days passed by, I’ve become aware that some people I know are also having a blue Christmas. With that said, it only pinpoints the lovelife category. Usually, I’d say that my case is worse than theirs but probably their problems are much depressing than mine.

Whatever our problems may be, still, the message of this holiday season is love! No one can condone that love is not the focal point of Christmas. Like the song says, “why don’t you give love on Christmas day?” But it’s actually hard if you have some ill feelings about another person. Christmas should be the time for peace and love. But how can you be honest to yourself and to the season if you have some altercation with another person, especially if that person is the one you love the most. How can you feel the true essence of Christmas if you cannot give love with full honesty? How can you achieve peace if you could not make-up with the one that you made war with? And how can you feel the Love, if you couldn’t receive it from the one that you would like to give it to you?

These are just some questions that we personally can only answer. “SAWI” A 4-letter word that strikes hard on the heart and pierces right thru the soul. Probably, most of us have experienced to be like this. But being like this during the Christmas season is such a pain in the ass because you could never honestly say that you would truly be happy even if it’s Christmas because a part of you, may it be huge or tiny, is still sad and melancholic. I know, the one reading this “crap” of mine, might be having a hard time realizing my point. But actually, my point is just plain and simple. “Kung sawi ka lalo na kapag magpapasko, mas doble yung sakit…At hipokrito ka kung sasabihin mong tunay kang masaya kasi nga Pasko, kahit sa loob-loob mo e talagang nasasaktan ka pa rin.”

All of us aspire to love and to be loved in return. Failing to achieve that is such a blow to our egos and even to our whole personal view of the world. Here are just some pieces of advice for those who are “SAWI” (You know who you are. Don’t worry; I’m one of you, if that’d make you feel a little bit better…Well, I hope so.)

1) For those who let go of someone who you regret letting go.

a) Regret nothing because maybe you don’t know, she/he loved you more because you let him/her go even if it’s against your will. Always put in mind, that being selfless is better than being selfish, and that the reward is far more greater in the former than in the latter.

b) Time will tell. Letting go of a certain person gives that person a chance to grow and to also realize your worth. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, as they say. Let time decide. If you’re meant to be, God will make ways to intertwine your souls somewhere down the road.

2) For those who still love their EX but his/her EX does not feel the same way anymore and already likes/loves another.

a) Always keep the memories. May it be the ups or the downs, everything happens for a reason. Only you and your EX alone shared those moments with each other, and it happened for a reason. Smile it away whenever you feel some hate.

b) Let go if it’s time to let go. If he/she likes another, let him/her be. It’s much painful to force a person to return to the past if he/she has moved on to the present and already having a different path than your own.

c) Be happy for him/her, for you to also be happy. We should never own someone or worse we should never feel that we are the only one for that certain person because time has its ways and different kinds of people will eventually enter our lives.

3) For those who have fallen for there bestfriend.

a) Be ready to sacrifice. Two vital things can only be in danger at this situation, 1st is your friendship and 2nd is your feelings. You decide what is harder to take for the heart.

b) The best couples are the ones who have a strong friendship. It’s more delightful to be married to your bestfriend, everything will just feel natural. And no matter what, it’ll be him/her you’ll run to in the end whenever there’s a problem. You’re already comfortable to lay your head on his/her shoulder.

c) If things go bad. That’s where your strong friendship shall be truly tested. If he/she couldn’t take that you have feelings for him/her, then he/she may not be such the bestfriend that you think he/she really is. Coz only your bestfriend could understand you no matter what.

I know, some certain persons can relate to these situations. You know who you are. SAWI man tayo ngayon, wag mag-alala! Nasa 1st-Half pa lang tayo ng buhay natin. Dami pang pwedeng mangyari! Punta na tayo sa dug-out, get our head in the game(of life). May 2nd-half pa! Improve on your weaknesses and focus more. Ika nga ni JAWO, “This is you! This is you!” You have a certain and specific role! So work your role to the fullest!